The Art of How Xander Grieves
by PrincessMaryJaneKOA
Summary: Chosen Slightly AU. After the final battle, Xander grieves for Anya. Oneshot.


_**AN: I was watching Chosen and I've always, always hated it how they killed of Anya, because she was an awesome character. I also hated how Xander didn't really seem to care that much about her death after loving her for years. The only better way to end this would have been to keep Anya alive but instead this just poured out of me, which is weird considering Xander/Anya isn't my fave BTVS couple. Anyway, Enjoy!**_

All around them the final battle was raging, together Andrew and Anya (well mainly Anya) were holding off the masses of vampires that were surrounding them. But something had to give.

As Andrew cowered in a corner, waiting to die, Anya threw herself deeper into the fray of vampires with all her might concentrating only on the kill, picturing the soft and furry bunnies with the twitchy noses that she hated so much.

Suddenly as she fended off the vampires on her left and right, as well as the ones in front of her, Anya failed to notice one behind her.

Before Anya even realized this, the vampire stabbed her and Anya fell to the floor as Andrew watched in horror.

Anya Jenkins was dead.

Meanwhile Xander and Dawn were also fighting off Vampires while Buffy, Faith, Spike and the potentials were handling the largest mass of them.

Suddenly Spike's amulet began to glow.

Soon the ground started to shake.

"Buffy!" Spike yelled in panic as he started to glow.

Buffy looked over in horror at her lover.

They had to leave, it was starting.

" Come on B!" Faith yelled as Buffy stood with Spike, unwilling to leave him.

" I love you." She said softly.

" No you don't but thanks for sayin' it." Spike replied, grinning.

With that, Buffy left Spike for the last time.

Xander rushed around frantically among the chaos, searching for Anya.

" Anya!" he screamed, trying in vain to hear her above the noise.

Then he saw the body.

She was still bleeding and her body, though it was half buried under rubble was still warm.

" Anya…. Anya, please… you have to wake up." Xander got down on his knees beside her and took her into his arms, smoothing her hair back from her forehead.

Tears sprung from his remaining eye and for a few moments, ignoring all that was going on around him, he just sat there, cradling her beautiful face, knowing that she would never wake up.

It seemed like an eternity later when someone tapped his shoulder. He turned.

It was Andrew, blood splatterings on his shirt, anxiously looking at the exit that was fast becoming filled with rubble.

" Xander…" he said softly.

" We've got to go." Suddenly Xanders strength returned and carefully, cradling Anya in his arms, he stood.

Without another word the two made their way towards the door, each lost in their own thoughts.

" This way everyone!" Giles shouted as Xander, Andrew and many others ran towards a near by school bus, knowing that an explosion was imminent.

Xander did not notice if Willow, Buffy, Dawn, Giles or anyone else was alive.

All he registered was that the girl in his arms, the girl he had once hoped to marry was dead.

Not even magical dead, like Buffy was when they brought her back to life.

Just plain dead, like Joyce and Tara that had gone before her.

He remembered climbing up the bus steps and hearing everyone's gasps of shock as he placed Anya's limp and now cold body on the seat next to him.

He remembered the bus starting and wondering numb with pain whether he was the only one left now.

" Xander?" Andrew spoke nervously.

" I think you should know…." He hesitated, unsure on whether it was best to lie, but seeing the desperate look on Xanders face, he knew it was the right decision.

" Anya died saving my life." Andrew winced, waiting for the outburst of anger that would surely follow after this revelation.

But it never came.

Instead Xander did something that made everyone on the bus that was heading speedily away from Sunnydale look towards him like he had gone insane.

He chuckled.

"That's my girl," he said, looking down at her perfect, pale form.

"Always doing the stupid thing."

Then he laughed and laughed and laughed.

Because, otherwise he would cry.

Anya was dead, but he was not.

Right then and there Xander made a promise to himself.

He would go on living, for her sake.


End file.
